im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
