i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize