They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
