Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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