Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
