She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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