Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
