guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
