His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
