I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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