The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
