Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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