Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
