I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
jump out the window naked night went bad
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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