I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
