Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
