My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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