People with herpes should wear stickers.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
