Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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