she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
