You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
