That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
