I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
