He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
