The beer is more important than you right now.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
