I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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