And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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