Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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