this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
