Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
