Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
