did you get engaged???
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
