We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
