Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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