did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
