Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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