Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
