During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
