my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
