There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
