I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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