I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
