it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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