Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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