im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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