Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
