so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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