she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
