he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
