Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
