i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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