i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
