I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
