Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
