Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
