so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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