Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize