Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
