AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
