If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
