Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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