I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
where am i from again
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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