She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
