I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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