he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
