so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
