Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
