He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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