Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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