Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize