apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
