So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
