When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize