Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
