it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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