I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize