Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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