I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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