ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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