i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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