Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
