fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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