I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
