Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
