A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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