My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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