I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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