I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
