1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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