one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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