I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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