I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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