I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
