That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
