You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
