Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
