well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
