if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
