Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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