nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
