i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
